Didn't I already say this?

Scenario: Boy likes girl, girl agrees to date boy. Boy is very sweet, but girl just wants to date and doesn't want to be his girlfriend and says so. Boy sends message and ends with "I love you." Girl flips her shit. Completely normal, right?

Because, seriously, it made me angry. Combined with his passive aggressive Facebook statuses, it's a little much. As in, if he couldn't see me, his status would be "having a shitty day" or "what a crappy day" or "not in the best of moods...but oh well, right? It's not like it matters." And then, after I told him why I was mad, they changed to "wow, I feel like an idiot" and "what a shitty day. I hope tomorrow is better."

I am very tired of men folks pinning their happiness on me. Perhaps I'm taking it wrong, but that's what it seems like to me. Maybe it's because I don't wear my proverbial heart on my sleeve or because I play it close to the vest, but Jesus H Christ on a cracker, could he be any needier?! I appreciate that he was honest enough to tell me his intention to date me seriously. I thought he'd appreciate my honesty when I said I didn't want to be anyone's girlfriend, I like how my life is right now quite a lot.

In talking to RepoGirl about the situation her response was "maybe you should date him." Hello? I am. "Well, only him then." Wait, WHAT? You're my BFF and you're taking his side? Because he dropped the "I Love You" bomb, I should just date him? She is so off her game, it's disturbing. Because, let's be honest. If I *only* dated the guys who said they loved me, well....I'd have dated a lot more than I have.

I'm not going to apologise for not wanting to be his girlfriend. He and I were best friends 12-15 years ago. We dated for a short time. I don't remember it much, because honestly, I was his girlfriend in name only and I'm pretty sure I dated two to four other guys during that time. (My mom gave me the best advice early in life: "Date, don't get serious with any one boy.") 10 years ago we didn't have the technology available to kids today. Instant messaging was still something you had to pay for. There was no Facebook or Myspace. Notes on paper, passed back and forth in hallways, on buses, through multiple friends, was the preferred method of communication. Text messages and cell phones did not exist in our high school world. And if your friend lived in far South Town and there was no car, no same school to pass notes in? You called on the phone after school and prayed to not get busted after 9 PM. (I had, and still have, a 9 PM phone curfew.) You sent real letters, through the mail. Kids today have it easy. And in some cases, I think that easiness translates to having it worse. You know what, I got off track. Let's go back.


I'm not going to apologise for how I feel. I don't really feel anything for Bosnia, not romantically. I agreed to date him to see if something would develop. This "situation" has thrown up the steel bomb shelter around my heart. I cannot, and will not, deal with someone like this again. Tennessee was enough.

I'm tired of being that girl.

Long time, no see. Lots of bs has occurred. I'm just gonna jump right in.

I'm so tired of being that girl.

And now, an oldie, a blast from the past. Guy adds me on Facebook. Haven't seen him in almost 10 years, when he dumped me after band banquet. I'll call him Bosnia. Anyway, we hang out St. Paddy's Day. He tells me I really hurt him, he was really mad at me for a long time, but he got over it. Um, hello? He dumped me. Which he says is because I told him I was only going out with him on a dare. Entirely possible, but unlikely that I'd tell him that. I do have tact, jeez. But now he says he's good, we're good. And then tonight he says he'd like to be with me sometime in the not too distant future. Because he's never stopped caring.

So tired of being the girl everyone falls in love with and never gets over.

I don't want a boyfriend right this minute. Or even in five minutes. I just want to hang out and have fun. I don't want to answer to anyone. I want to be myself, not worry about pissing someone off by going out with someone who isn't them. Also, I don't want to have to go out when I don't want to, or answer my phone when I don't want to, or to text back when I just want to sleep or whatever.

I suppose I'm that girl because I'm nice. Really. For all that I try to say I'm a heinous bitch, it very rarely comes out and I usually feel awful after. I don't make fun of people, I don't say 90% of the shit I'm thinking in my head outloud. I'm a flirt. I'm pretty. (And modest, too!) I don't know WHY I'm so ... whatever it is I am. Because, honestly? I'm not interested in most people. I have a love, a long-term love (see Boy Wonder), that will always be first. And, I'm not easy to deal with. People seem to think I'm kidding when I say I'm high maintenance, demanding, picky and that I like to play mind games. I'm not kidding. But it never matters. They laugh it off. Or, in one case, the guy wanted to know what mind games I'd be playing so he could play along. Yeah, dude, that's not how it works. He was deemed "not fun" very quickly. Also, he reminded me of the ex-huz and um, yeah NO. I'm the fucking boss, ok?

In other news, I seem to be allergic to all narcotics save morphine and demoral. I had my wisdom teeth out Thursday and the dentist gave me Tylenol 3 since vicodin makes me scratch my skin off. Guess what? So does Tylenol 3 now. Yay! And you know, they don't just hand out the good stuff. I'm screwed, I guess. More benadryl for me.

Had to work big big big music fest this week. Well, before I had my teeth out that is. I've lived in this town 20 years and have never been. Went to my first showcase ever! It was nice. I wish I could have gone back for more, but there's always years in the future. By the way, check out Smokekiller and Jen Lane, both from Canada. They're pretty rad. Total sweethearts, too. I snuck into his set, but had to miss hers on Friday.

I have to pee now. Too much damn iced tea. Toodles!