So when you run make sure you run, to something and not away from

I had thought about posting about how great things were going, in life and with the Prospective Boyfriend, and now I'm glad I didn't because he's not the Prospective Boyfriend anymore. He's just...nothing now. And I said it was fine and no big deal. And tried to make him feel better because he just kept apologising about it. I wish he had just been a dick about it, at least that I know how to handle. Yeah, I didn't put everything out there for him, but I am terrified of getting hurt. I went a little crazy after the last one and I don't mean like eat ice cream and cry crazy, I mean crazy crazy. I didn't need to hear him tell me I'm practically perfect and perhaps he's just commitment-phobic. Really, dude, just don't. Say it's because I don't put out or because I think the Big 12 is a better conference than the SEC (which it totally is), but don't tell me I"m really pretty and that you really like me, but you're just not "ready." And over the phone? I guess it beats an email and saves me from crying in front of you.

So, Mixtape Messiah, thanks for the Broken Hearted Sad Bastard Mix. I think I'm going to need it. And Tennessee. Anything else I can listen to to make me feel absolutely shit-tastic?

Later this week I'll post an "Everything You Need to Know About Carving Fake Pumpkins" since I'm obviously very weird and do it every year.

I'm off to cry again. I can't even call him a fucker, he was so nice about it.

And it's raining?

I am a bit sick still and a whole lot bored. And because of that, you get this.

I started decorating for Halloween. I am currently two weeks behind in decorating. Seriously. I know when Halloween is, y'all, but I love Halloween more than anything else. I've even dressed up once already! (OK, so that was for the children's Halloween symphony concert I took the kid to, but still. And I rock the Pink Princess from 4th grade costume.)

Ok, so my friend was trying to set me up with his friend. The friend of a friend (FOAF) and I have come to the agreement that it will never work. We decided this based on twenty questions. I'll save you the horror of reading our twenty questions, but suffice it to say it took 11 questions for him to admit he doesn't like kids. Dealbreaker, dude, dealbreaker. We can be friends.

And on the Prospective Boyfriend front, I went to a movie and dinner with him and two of his work buddies. The movie turned out to be funny, it's the new Brad Pitt/George Clooney film. Dinner was spent at the Olive Garden. He loves the Olive Garden. I got soup. I'm never hungry when I'm sick. I'll know I'm not sick when I start craving pizza. Anyway, the evening ended and I didn't hug him. I just don't know what he's told people, so I didn't. I should have. But, I know he had a good time too, as always, he says.

I am becoming something I'm not sure I should with him. I miss him. I feel the draw to talk to/email him every day. I'm willing to watch Floriday football with him. Yeah, weird.

Alright, I have a meeting I'm supposed to go to tonight that I'm going to skip, but I still need to carve my fake pumpkin, so I'm out.

I've the plague.

Okay, so it's not the plague, despite my rat/mouse problem. Fucking vermin. But, I am sick, the doctor confirms it. Yay.

I just want to say that Prospective Boyfriend is very sweet and cute, if a little real world challenged. After making out for hours on Tuesday (and I mean that literally) he wanted to go to sleep holding me. While I think that could be very nice, we still have no commitments to each other. I believe that doing that would most certainly imply boyfriend status, but we aren't the assuming type.

In my all consuming quest of being an absolute tv dork, I'm going to ask a question that Payton asked the guy who's going to turn out to be her real dad (One Tree Hill):

Name the Top 5 albums you'd have to have if you were stranded on an island or could only ever hear 5 albums for the rest of your life. And why.

Here are mine, in no particular order.

**Tennessee by Lucero. It's the perfect, never get sick of it album. Works equally well for heartbreak and for love. I cannot pick one song that's better than another here. It's gritty, it's real.

**The Wicked soundtrack. Yes, to the Broadway show. There's a lot of wisdom in those there songs. Defying Gravity wins out for wisdom-ness.

**Jars of Clay's Furthermore. It's very hard for me to pick one album, so if I can't make my own to take, this one will do. Has great songs. Off of this one, I'm going with Something Beautiful.

**Woman As Salvation by Jackopierce. It's mellow and acoustic and lyrically beautiful. It's a toss up between More Than He Could Give and Advent for best song.

**Sounds of Summer by The Beach Boys. Love them. Has all the great songs. I, once again, can't pick one song to chose from. Put it on random and the next song up is my favourite.

And big congrats are in order to Issa who had a beautiful little boy a week ago. He is gorgeous and makes me want to find someone to impregnate me.

Way tired, Way sore

Yesterday was Super Big Music Fest. I am now exhausted and hurting and so glad I went. It was Day Three of said event and not as crowded as Day Two. This is a good thing, I'll get to it in a minute. We got there before any of the bands we wanted to see started and ended up really liking Nicole Atkins and The Sea. (This is where you can be all stalker-azi and Google to see where I was.) We checked out The Kills, but I have no freaking clue who they are and they kept bitching about the sun and heat (um, hi, it was almost 20 degrees cooler than 3 years ok) and they never played a song I'd ever heard, so we left early to go see Flyleaf. Now, I'm not a huge Flyleaf fan, I've heard a couple songs, but their bassist runs around and jumps off shit all over the stage. It was fun to watch, except he reminds me Rob Zombie. We hit Against Me! and (please don't hate me Mixtape Messiah) didn't really enjoy them. Perhaps it was the ever present sun beating down on me or the fucking contact high I had. Or perhaps because we were kind of far away and couldn't really hear them. This is also the point when Prospective Boyfriend got lost and couldn't find me again. It wasn't for very long, but it was a nice break from hearing about his damn Camelback. Seriously, I get it it. You LOVE your Camelback. Now, shut up about it.

He wanted to see Silversun Pickups and we did, but I should have headed over to Neko Case, who debuted a song about killer whales and elephants and whose sound levels probably weren't completely fucked up. If I had never heard Silversun Pickups before, I would say they're a shitty band, based on the fact that you couldn't hear the drums at all (but I could see him playing them), the bass guitar or the lead guitar. Once the lead singer started doing his thing, that's all you could hear.

We heard Okkervil River, but most of that time was spent hearing the conversation next to us about oral sex and dildos. Yeah. Plus, at this point, I was tired enough to lay down and just talk to Prospective Boyfriend and eavesdrop. However, the band was excellent, I just wish some people had shut up. We had a break after this until the big band. I had wanted to see Tegan and Sara, but they were on the opposite side of the park and ran right into the Foo Fighters and I wanted a good spot for them.

Now, this is where I tell you that I have a panic disorder and do not do well in crowds. Like, I tend to pass out if people are pressing me from all sides. This is where the fact that it was not really crowded comes into play. We all know who the Foo Fighters are. They were the big draw. During their set, there was space around me. The closest person to me was Prospective Boyfriend and we weren't even touching. Score! And the Foos put on an amazing show, truly. The drum solo in the middle of the set was phenomenal. Seriously. And Dave Grohl is funny.

I actually wished I had taken my camera because there was one dude who deserved to be immortalised here. Black jeans with red stitching, motorcycle boots, no shirt, a swagger, bleach blond hair with one inch spikes, tipped with red. AWESOME. Wait, it gets better, since I only got the back view first. The front view was a red and black Bat Signal tattoo in the middle of his chest and a tat of Batman on his arm. Classy! (Flickr is my friend. I will now call him Batman Bowie for all time.)

And now I'm off to YouTube to relieve Super Big Music Fest.

I love Funny Shit.

And this commercial is funny. (Hit him in the head, Rose!)



In other news, I am happy. Big shock, I know. Coffee Date Guy can now be referred to as Potential Boyfriend. We headed downtown to the oldest (and fanciest, oooh) hotel last night for drinks and discussed what it means to be a Whiskey Kind of Girl, which he is not, because a) he doesn't like whiskey (more for me!) and b) he's not confident, tough or no nonsense. Oh, and he's not a girl. I got the "I really like you" during our goodbye and the "I totally want to go shopping with you because then it's not weird when I go shopping for girls' clothes" during drinks. Disturbing much? I HATE shopping. Hate. Like, I only subject my mom and one other person to it because it usually ends up with me in a crumpled heap on the dressing room floor, crying about how God hates me and why does none of this shit ever fit/look/feel right WHY GOD WHY. Ahem. And so this afternoon I am going to torture myslef by trying to find pants that don't make my stomach look like a fucking muffin, mmmkay? Where was I? Right, Potential Boyfriend. He's an odd one, but also very sweet and trying to woo me. Case in Point, he bought my ticket for Super Big Music Fest on Sunday and won't accept money from me. Hmmm. No, we are still not calling him SugarDaddy. Ew, gross.

Elsewhere in the world, I am needing to see Gossip Girl S1, because now I'm super hooked on it. Debating whether to watch it in a theatre full of other devotees and not feel so bad. If they'd air OTH after it, I'd so be there. I'm still undecided on the new 90210, but I haven't seen last night's epi, so. Although if I watch it today, plus the two hours airing on SoapNet later, and add in the hour I already watched, that's 4 hours of 90210. And it's not even my favourite show!

I started walking again this week, now that I've been given the medical go ahead. Felt like ass this morning, but walked about a mile and a half. That's a lot for me. I'll probably end up walking 2.3 from Music Fest to parking Sunday night. Great. Oh, and when I got home? Totally made queso for breakfast.

Oh, did you hear? Clay Aiken is Gay. Wow, I totally never saw that coming. I thought we were going to get married and have more babies and now I have to go get the "Clay Forever!" tattoo removed from my ass. DAMN YOU CLAY AIKEN!