Sunday, March 22, 2009

I'm tired of being that girl.

Long time, no see. Lots of bs has occurred. I'm just gonna jump right in.

I'm so tired of being that girl.

And now, an oldie, a blast from the past. Guy adds me on Facebook. Haven't seen him in almost 10 years, when he dumped me after band banquet. I'll call him Bosnia. Anyway, we hang out St. Paddy's Day. He tells me I really hurt him, he was really mad at me for a long time, but he got over it. Um, hello? He dumped me. Which he says is because I told him I was only going out with him on a dare. Entirely possible, but unlikely that I'd tell him that. I do have tact, jeez. But now he says he's good, we're good. And then tonight he says he'd like to be with me sometime in the not too distant future. Because he's never stopped caring.

So tired of being the girl everyone falls in love with and never gets over.

I don't want a boyfriend right this minute. Or even in five minutes. I just want to hang out and have fun. I don't want to answer to anyone. I want to be myself, not worry about pissing someone off by going out with someone who isn't them. Also, I don't want to have to go out when I don't want to, or answer my phone when I don't want to, or to text back when I just want to sleep or whatever.

I suppose I'm that girl because I'm nice. Really. For all that I try to say I'm a heinous bitch, it very rarely comes out and I usually feel awful after. I don't make fun of people, I don't say 90% of the shit I'm thinking in my head outloud. I'm a flirt. I'm pretty. (And modest, too!) I don't know WHY I'm so ... whatever it is I am. Because, honestly? I'm not interested in most people. I have a love, a long-term love (see Boy Wonder), that will always be first. And, I'm not easy to deal with. People seem to think I'm kidding when I say I'm high maintenance, demanding, picky and that I like to play mind games. I'm not kidding. But it never matters. They laugh it off. Or, in one case, the guy wanted to know what mind games I'd be playing so he could play along. Yeah, dude, that's not how it works. He was deemed "not fun" very quickly. Also, he reminded me of the ex-huz and um, yeah NO. I'm the fucking boss, ok?

In other news, I seem to be allergic to all narcotics save morphine and demoral. I had my wisdom teeth out Thursday and the dentist gave me Tylenol 3 since vicodin makes me scratch my skin off. Guess what? So does Tylenol 3 now. Yay! And you know, they don't just hand out the good stuff. I'm screwed, I guess. More benadryl for me.

Had to work big big big music fest this week. Well, before I had my teeth out that is. I've lived in this town 20 years and have never been. Went to my first showcase ever! It was nice. I wish I could have gone back for more, but there's always years in the future. By the way, check out Smokekiller and Jen Lane, both from Canada. They're pretty rad. Total sweethearts, too. I snuck into his set, but had to miss hers on Friday.

I have to pee now. Too much damn iced tea. Toodles!