Sunday, December 28, 2008

Galway Kinnell

Whatever happens. Whatever
what is is is what
I want. Only that. But that.


Jack Gilbert

Woke up suddenly thinking I heard crying.
Rushed through the dark house.
Stopped, remembering. Stood looking
out at bright moonlight on concrete.


"Two Cures For Love"
Wendy Cope

1. Don't see him. Don't phone or write a letter.
2. The easy way: get to know him better.


"On Joy and Sorrow"
Kahlil Gibran

Then a woman said, Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.
And he answered:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the self same well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.


the silver blade calls out to me
"i can make it stop, take it all away"
in truth, i don't know the truth.
i no longer know wrong from right.
my heart is no longer mine, it is breaking, each day more and more.
to wait is pain.
to let go is death.
i see the crimson ribbons streak across the white.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Happy Christmas!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Snow? WTD is that?

I think it is snowing again. I know it was snowing an hour ago because I was standing in it and looking like an idiot trying to catch snow flakes on my tongue. Isn't that what you're supposed to do? I think so. I could be wrong I guess. I only remember it snowing, never. I vaguely remember snow on the ground but not falling once. And the other two times I've seen snow falling from the sky was two different visits to Connecticut. Yeah.

I am only semi-digging Josh Groban's Christmas album. Quit deucing up my songs, fool. Damn. Even Alvin and the Chipmunks don't mess them up. Oh, wait. That's my basis for comparison. I freaking loooooove me some Chipmunks Christmas album and DVD. As in, my family tries to hide them every year. They haven't learned yet that I will go buy new ones if mine disappear. For realz.

Real update later. FOAF has pissed everyone off, to the point everyone's blowing him off. I've been hanging out with some new old friends and that may be causing a problem. I don't think creepy middle school guy who had a severe stalking crush is over it. Damn, I should have saved those texts to refer back to. Oh, well, let's hope my frozen brain remembers later!

Friday, December 5, 2008

I'd love to say I haven't been busy.

Ok, so this like a fly by post because I'm actually pissed at FOAF today and it shows. RepoGirl actually said I was in an angry mood and all she had heard was hi. Deucing stupid deucing idiot.

I have been busy. Do you know how hard it is to pee when you have a dog who is not a lap dog by the way trying to sit in your lap? So not easy. And if I shut him out, he whines. Not little dog whines, but huge drawn out big dog whines. Also, he won't pee or poo if he's in the yeard by himself. Nooooo, someone has to go out with him at 2 freaking AM when it's cold as shit and stand there. And then he thinks it's play time and I'm all "Go the deuce back to sleep, yo."

Ok, so, busy busy. FOAF was over Friday and Saturday and let's not even go there because I'd really just like to slap him in the head and yell at him. Also on Saturday I had to take all three dogs to the vet and then I made cookies. They were delicious. Need to make more this weekend. Then I had a meeting on Monday for the high school's Campus Advisory Committee, which instead of doing what was planned, we talked about how the school has to be "restructured" because of all this No Child Left Behind bullshit and test scores. That will probably end up being a whole nother post. Then I went to dinner with an old friend from high school and when FOAF found out he was all jealous and I was all "shades of my ex, fuck off." I think I didn't do much Tuesday or Wednesday til I hit up a jazz band concert and well that was fun. Then Thursday, I went to lunch and a movie with said prior old friend (Shorty) and then late that evening went to dinner with another old friend from high school. I'm all nostalgic I guess. And FOAF is still pissy about all of it and I'm over it. I'd rather hang out with people who aren't going to bitch about their situation and then not do anything about it. Whatevs, y'all.

So, now here I am, freezing my ass off while Chunk is sleeping quite sweatily next to me. He's like a human heater in pint size form. His dad brought him over yesterday to try on a heavy winter jacket and Chunk played with Spike and had a good time. When we came in, he said he was going to get on my bed to take a nap. He was here to stay. He told his daddy he wanted to stay. Asshole made him go. AND I know he didn't take him back to his house and feed him lunch and give him a nap despite the baby saying he was hungry and tired. Way to go, deucenut. Father of the year, right there.

Ok, I'm actually pretty angry for really no good reason. I have got to stop this shit. For realz. It'll pass, in time. Now, who's got the time speeder up thingy?

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Meet Spike!

I have been so busy this past week. I generally don't read or post when I've got Chunk and then you add on the new addition and I'm very tired. So, who is this new addition? Well, meet Spike.

He's an almost 5 month old German Shorthaired Pointer. He is not a hunting dog for us, even though the breed is. As the breeder told me "He's chickenshit and gun shy. He'd rather lay in your lap and watch tv." So, he's perfect for us. Chunk is very happy and calls Spike his "perfect puppy." They play together and chase each other. I'm teaching Spike to play fetch so next time Chunk comes home they can. Spike does very good on a leash for no training. No pulling, which is great! Oh, and he's a great bird dog. He pointed at the frozen turkey after it fell out of the fridge but completely ignored the doves on the ground in the backyard.

One more picture, of Chunk and his Spike and then I'm off. Have a great Thanksgiving in the States and a great Thursday if you're not. I'll be watching the BIG GAME tomorrow night and probably throwing things at my TV. It'll be great.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I just don't have any answers.

This morning I got a phone call. Not too unusual, people do call me you know. But this was from a girl I haven't seen or heard from in quite some time. We weren't friends, we were friendly in a parenting class I took. She was court ordered to be there, Child Protective Services was involved. She still had her kids, this was just to insure she didn't lose them. Her husband was a classic stereotype, controlling and just didn't care. She ended up becoming pregnant and didn't know how. (Really? You're twenty-something and have had to kids and you STILL don't know how that happens?? Oooookay.)

So, she calls. And her now three kids have been taken away. It seems her husband quit/lost his job and had them alternately living on the streets or at his sister's. The sister was tired of them being there and called CPS and had the kids removed. The girl who called me has been living in a car in a grocery store parking lot. She called me from a CARITAS group. She was asking me what she should do. She wants her kids back, but she has no skills, no support, no education. (This is usually where I'd make a joke about her being from backwater Georgia, but I just can't.) She doesn't think she qualifies to go to the women's shelter, but won't find out. Her husband is still controlling, still lazy, still treats her like crap. This time she's tired of it. Does she realise she has a tough decision, him or her kids? Yes, and she's trying to pick her kids. CPS has told her that he has to do the same services (protective parenting, therapy, parenting classes and so on) as she does to regain them. And he isn't. She wants out.

And I don't know how to help. I suggested she go to a different homeless resource center. I gave her a name to ask for, told her to tell them I sent her. I know these people, I know they know how to help her, more than I can. I feel bad for her, but I can't help her. Some days I can barely help myself. I hope she finds help, soon, so she can get her beautiful children back. I know, actually first hand know, what she's going through. My situation was different, but I KNOW.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Need a lullabye, a kiss goodnight

I have no idea what other things went on. My memory is a little lacking these days. I am still not 100%, despite me going out and doing things. I've not been reading blogs either. I feel bad, but sometimes things have to go to the wayside and I guess that's one thing.

I love the freaking eye candy at work. So fucking cute. And I'm smart enough to not get into anything. Hell nah. He's just pretty to look at.

FOAF and I hung out. And by hung out I mean he played WoW and I slept. I know how it is to be cooped up in a house with nothing to do, so I invited him over to use my internet since that new expansion came out. And he stayed. All night. Which I was kind of figuring anyway. So, he played, I did some other stuff and then went to sleep. It was a late night and I don't exactly sleep well if there's other stuff going on, but I managed. And apparently I managed to NOT talk in my sleep which is a good thing. So, here's a guy who likes me, in my bed with me in jammies and sleeping and NOTHING HAPPENED. I think this is very rare. (And yes, I know all about "But he was playing WoW so it totally doesn't count." Most guys would have tried to cop a feel no matter what. I'm just that hot and sexy.) He ended up staying until I left to go to karaoke with JPanda and crew. FOAF and I are supposed to head down the road to the friend's house, but FOAF is still feeling anti social a bit and I need a damn nap. I took one last night while The Wizard of Oz was on. I vaguely remember the Tin Man and then nothing until the Witch got melted.

Karaoke was last night. I SAID I wasn't going to drink anything and then ended up with two very yummy shots, and amaretto sour and some fucked up whisky drink that I left on the table because damn. That shit was strong and gross. I also let JPanda pick out what I was singing and ended up with Britney Spears' Toxic. Which prompted some guy behind our table to proclaim that damn, he would drink my urine. OMG, gross. I think that must have been the same guy who later threw a wadded up napkin at us. Mature, real mature. I did get hit on my some guy named Giovanni, a short guy who was trying to use The Pick Up Artist's tips. I am hip to that though and didn't let him isolate me. (What? That show is awesome. I learn so much. I think more guys should watch it.) Anyway, I apparently didn't suck so bad, despite having laughed until I was practically crying right before that. See, I had dropped my chicken strip and it rolled somewhere. Found out it was under someone's chair. And she said it looked like a chicken turd. And that they were going to throw it at me while I was on stage. You know what? This doesn't sound funny at all. Sorry, you're invited next time! And I'm pretty sure there are now pictures and a video of Panda and me dancing while JPanda did Beat It. We were crazy!

FOAF and I also saw Repo! The Genetic Opera on Tuesday. I think I'm glad I didn't have any expectations going into it. Because I laughed all the way through it. FOAF looks over and goes "Wow, you laugh at really wrong stuff" or something like that. I don't know, I was probably laughing at the guy getting his spine repossessed without anesthesia. I'm not one for gory films, but this one HAD to be tongue-in-cheek because it was hilarious. The gore was splashy and great. And the storyline was weak, but decent. The singing was over the top theatrical. Anthony Head (why did he drop the Stewart?) is awesome, as always. I loved that Buffy episode where he sang. He's got a great voice. I'll always love him from those coffee commercials from BEFORE he did Buffy. Not surprisingly, Paris Hilton was weak, but she was barely in it, so HA! I loved the part where she looked like Darth Maul. Fucking great. Anyway, if you get a chance to see this movie and need a laugh and don't have a weak stomach, go see this. Otherwise, look for it on DVD when it comes out. It's not widely released so you may have a problem finding it in theatres, but try. If you see it and absolutely hate it and think I'm out of my mind, well, yes, I AM, but you can complain and I'll make it up to you.

The friend is jealous that FOAF is spending time with me and talking to me. The friend that set us up (Z? for lack of a better alias) keeps asking questions that are none of his business. And I tell him that and I know he's joking about it for the most part, but still, gossip much? And then he calls ME because when he called FOAF he didn't answer and knows we're together and then is all "Is he mad at me?" WTD? (What the deuce? Because I've gotta quit using the "F" word. So I'm replacing it with "deuce.") Do NOT put me in the middle of this. And get out of the middle of whatever may or may not be occurring with me and FOAF, k?

And JPanda and Panda both thought that other guy from before was gay. So now we're back to that. And we're leaving it at that. There's been no contact. And I'm okay with that.

Now that I've left work and committed myself to going down the road, I suppose I should. Z tried to put me in the middle again and I'm just not having it. Hopefully some driving with music will clear my head. I'm feeling a bit anti-social myself today.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

I'd like to give a big "FUCK YOU" to November.

Ok, really it's going out to the last week of October, too. Way to dick me over universe.

First things first. The beginning of the last week of October. As I was getting those four new tires installed, I went and had Chinese food around the corner. And guess what my fortune cookie didn't have? That's right, a fucking fortune. Should have been my first clue that it was only going to get worse.

So I went to the dentist on Thursday, the day before Halloween. No big deal, right? I was having some tooth/mouth pain and figured I'd get it looked at, make an appointment for a later date and move on. WRONG! I left many hundreds of dollars poorer, with strict instructions to not have anything sticky or chewy or hard. And a pretty temporary crown. I'll be going back in a few weeks for the permanent one to be put on. It sucks. I didn't even know I had a cracked tooth. Ok, so maybe I did since I played with it with my tongue, but it wasn't bad or anything. Oh, and nearly a week later, my damn tooth still hurts.

Halloween was actually pretty good. Chunk went to a couple of houses and got some candy. He had three adult type people go with him and we had a good time too! There was a quasi party featuring "Zombie Eye Ghoulash" and a fizzy "Witch's Brew." Good times. And Chunk got more candy than he could possible need and has tried to eat it all so far.

Things were going pretty well until Monday night. Went to the Campus Advisory Committee meeting. I'm now in the Special Education small group. We're to deal with things in the Campus Improvement Plan that deal with special ed kids and stuff. I know NOTHING about special ed. They say this is a good thing, it'll "help." I can't for the life of me figure out how, but sure.

Fast forward a couple hours and you'll find me loving my potty and trashcan. Fast forward to Tuesday morning and you'll find that I haven't kept anything down in 12 hours or so and am headed to the emergency room for help. Which they gladly supplied. 8 mgs of Zofran, I don't know how much phenergan, and two bags of saline later and I'm better. Sort of. Turns out I also have shingles. You know, that crappy chicken pox like shit for adults. It itches and it hurts and I'm miserable. I'll live, yeah, but I have to take FIVE pills a day for 10 days. So, every two hours I'm swallowing giant pills.

I started this post on Thursday and I'm just now getting around to finishing it and posting. While I've felt better, I'm still not at 100%. And I don't think flipping my mattress Wednesday night by myself (it's a queen) helped. Oh well. More things have happened since then, but that'll have to wait. Dun Dun DUH!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

It is finally cold. YAY!?

O, I love Halloween. This is no surprise to anyone. What I don't love? Having my filling break and a possible infection the week of. Dentist is on Thursday and hopefully I'll be cleared for all the candy I'll be stealing eating Friday.

Things I love today:
* Having Roadside Assistance. You see, I had a flat tire last night and forgot that I bought RA when I bought the car. Came in great to change the tire.
* Stewart. He took me to the grocery store when I thought I didn't have RA and then hung out for a bit, despite his being allergic to every animal in my house.
* Being able to buy four(!) new tires.

Things I do not love today:
* Having to buy the aforementioned tires. Totally shitty, but really needed. The tread was coming off and I didn't know it. OOPS!
* Not being able to eat really because of aforementioned filling. Ugh.
* Being in a CFIDS flare. It's not something I talk about a lot, because most of the time I'm fine, but damn, I'm tired.

It has finally turned cold in the Land of Hot. This is good except that when the heat is turned on in the house, my room is 5 degrees hotter than any other room. I'd love to be able to open my window, but I'd really like to have a burglar bar put on. Mine's the only one on the outside of the fence. I don't want horny boys crawling through my open window! (OK, maybe, but only Edward Cullen, who of course wouldn't be stopped by bars.)

Found out FOAF is bi-polar. He's been distant the last couple of weeks and now I get it. He's worried it'll make me not want to hang or something, but it doesn't. He's not the first one I've known to have it and he probably won't be the last. I'm not worried, I'm relieved. At least this way I know how to handle it when he's distant and stuff.

My VCR crapped out on me. I'm very devestated. It still works, it'll play and record manually, but the timer doesn't seem to want to work. Which means now I must be home to start it taping. That could be ok, but what if I forget? Do you know how long it takes the C-Dub to put episodes up??? Waaaay too long. Almost a week. And then it starts skipping and is obnoxious. And yes, I'm old school. I love my VCR. If I had a DVR, I'd just find more crap to tape and that wouldn't be good for anyone! But now I have to make sure I'm home to tape Super Why on Friday. Special Halloween episode, don't you know.

Uh, I'm a little anxious to get back to my Gossip Girl book, so, yeah. Love me some S and B and N and C. And I'd like a nap for $200 please Alex.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

How to Carve a Fake Pumpkin

So, I know I keep talking about how I carve fake pumpkins every year. And I keep getting the "What the Hell is a fake pumpkin and how do you carve it??" response. I'm here to tell you! Now that I've gotten my photo stuff to work, I'm a happy camper and can regale you with the awesomeness that is fake pumpkin carving. Let's Go!

You start with a plain old craft pumpkin that you get from Hobby Lobby, Michael's or somewhere similar. They come in different sizes, colours and shapes. The second one I did this year is this one.

From Delusions and Desires

Then you pick a pattern and follow the directions, just like you would carving a real pumpkin. Here's this year's design.
From Delusions and Desires

This is after the pattern had been punched and I'm about halfway finished.
From Delusions and Desires

The finished pumpkin! If you look closesly, you can see the dust in the back of the pumpkin. A little vaccuming take care of it. (ok, click on the picture and you can see it in the bigger version.)
From Delusions and Desires

All you need now is a hole for the light. I normally do a hole in the top where the stem is, but the bottom was better for this shape.
From Delusions and Desires

All it up and ready to go! I use a battery operated tea light candle in my pumpkins. Or, glow sticks and bracelets for some other colour.
From Delusions and Desires

I love my pumpkins and my decorations! I may post other decoration pictures later this week, cause, you know, this was a lot. And I'm still trying to figure out all this picture stuff with Picasa. I'm used to uploading to a different (private) site and then adding in with HTML.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

It's times like these...

that I wish I drank more.

I'm sick, again. I'm tired. I'm hurt, physically. Fucking Sudafed should not be taken at night and I should know this by now, but I took it anyway and then never could get to sleep and now I'm just all "ARGH FUCK OFF!" at the world.

I took all these pictures for my great "How to Make a Fake Pumpkin" post, but then when I went to edit them, I found out Jeremiah lacks any kind of decent photo editing software. WTF, Jerry. Now, I leave you guys fake pumpkin knowhow-less.

My day is slightly better. Star Trek Voyager is back on. I hate when Spike switches things up and I don't get my nerdiness in. Yes, I'm a big fat nerd. Ok, not as big as SOMEONE I know, because I have never been to a convention for ST or dressed up. Not that I didn't want to, cause I always wanted to be Counselor Troy from TNG for Halloween when I was younger. I wish I had a fucking Holodeck. That shit would be awesome.

I got nothing. Sorry.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Did you miss me?

And I'm back. Remember when I asked about that mbps stuff? It was related to the internet. And not really the internet, but the fact that my router was dying. New router, good internets!

But, I'm currently at a coffee shop with FOAF and he's worried about playing WoW. Yeah, he's one of them. He's a nice guy, still not happening.

I don't know, I'm still a little bruised. I'm used to being able to pinpoint something that went worng in a relationship, and this time I can't. And I'm not going to do the whole "What's wrong with me?" because, let's face it, there ain't nothing wrong with me. I'm going to be loud and crass and bitchy and high maintainence and if they don't like it, tough shit. I AM AWESOME and shit.

Oh, and on Jane's (over at Amazing Trips) advice, I got an apple corer, one of those that slices apples. It's freaking THE SHIT! I can't believe I ever lived without one. It makes it so easy. Alas, I ate all my apples.

Monday, October 13, 2008

I'm out, thanks Crime Warner!

I'll be gone for a few days. It seems the internet at my house doesn't want to cooperate, so Crime Warner is sending someone out tomorrow to look at it. While it's been fun at this beverage establishment, it's beginning to sprinkle on me and I probably should go home at some point. I don't think they'd let me live here. So, if I don't respond or you don't hear from me, that's why. I can tweet from my phone, so that's a bonus.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

So when you run make sure you run, to something and not away from

I had thought about posting about how great things were going, in life and with the Prospective Boyfriend, and now I'm glad I didn't because he's not the Prospective Boyfriend anymore. He's just...nothing now. And I said it was fine and no big deal. And tried to make him feel better because he just kept apologising about it. I wish he had just been a dick about it, at least that I know how to handle. Yeah, I didn't put everything out there for him, but I am terrified of getting hurt. I went a little crazy after the last one and I don't mean like eat ice cream and cry crazy, I mean crazy crazy. I didn't need to hear him tell me I'm practically perfect and perhaps he's just commitment-phobic. Really, dude, just don't. Say it's because I don't put out or because I think the Big 12 is a better conference than the SEC (which it totally is), but don't tell me I"m really pretty and that you really like me, but you're just not "ready." And over the phone? I guess it beats an email and saves me from crying in front of you.

So, Mixtape Messiah, thanks for the Broken Hearted Sad Bastard Mix. I think I'm going to need it. And Tennessee. Anything else I can listen to to make me feel absolutely shit-tastic?

Later this week I'll post an "Everything You Need to Know About Carving Fake Pumpkins" since I'm obviously very weird and do it every year.

I'm off to cry again. I can't even call him a fucker, he was so nice about it.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Anybody good with computers?

and can tell me the difference between the Mbps numbers for wireless and why I keep getting a low one? Winston never had this problem, but Jeremiah is all about the low numbers. Fucking Dell.

Monday, October 6, 2008

And it's raining?

I am a bit sick still and a whole lot bored. And because of that, you get this.

I started decorating for Halloween. I am currently two weeks behind in decorating. Seriously. I know when Halloween is, y'all, but I love Halloween more than anything else. I've even dressed up once already! (OK, so that was for the children's Halloween symphony concert I took the kid to, but still. And I rock the Pink Princess from 4th grade costume.)

Ok, so my friend was trying to set me up with his friend. The friend of a friend (FOAF) and I have come to the agreement that it will never work. We decided this based on twenty questions. I'll save you the horror of reading our twenty questions, but suffice it to say it took 11 questions for him to admit he doesn't like kids. Dealbreaker, dude, dealbreaker. We can be friends.

And on the Prospective Boyfriend front, I went to a movie and dinner with him and two of his work buddies. The movie turned out to be funny, it's the new Brad Pitt/George Clooney film. Dinner was spent at the Olive Garden. He loves the Olive Garden. I got soup. I'm never hungry when I'm sick. I'll know I'm not sick when I start craving pizza. Anyway, the evening ended and I didn't hug him. I just don't know what he's told people, so I didn't. I should have. But, I know he had a good time too, as always, he says.

I am becoming something I'm not sure I should with him. I miss him. I feel the draw to talk to/email him every day. I'm willing to watch Floriday football with him. Yeah, weird.

Alright, I have a meeting I'm supposed to go to tonight that I'm going to skip, but I still need to carve my fake pumpkin, so I'm out.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

I've the plague.

Okay, so it's not the plague, despite my rat/mouse problem. Fucking vermin. But, I am sick, the doctor confirms it. Yay.

I just want to say that Prospective Boyfriend is very sweet and cute, if a little real world challenged. After making out for hours on Tuesday (and I mean that literally) he wanted to go to sleep holding me. While I think that could be very nice, we still have no commitments to each other. I believe that doing that would most certainly imply boyfriend status, but we aren't the assuming type.

In my all consuming quest of being an absolute tv dork, I'm going to ask a question that Payton asked the guy who's going to turn out to be her real dad (One Tree Hill):

Name the Top 5 albums you'd have to have if you were stranded on an island or could only ever hear 5 albums for the rest of your life. And why.

Here are mine, in no particular order.

**Tennessee by Lucero. It's the perfect, never get sick of it album. Works equally well for heartbreak and for love. I cannot pick one song that's better than another here. It's gritty, it's real.

**The Wicked soundtrack. Yes, to the Broadway show. There's a lot of wisdom in those there songs. Defying Gravity wins out for wisdom-ness.

**Jars of Clay's Furthermore. It's very hard for me to pick one album, so if I can't make my own to take, this one will do. Has great songs. Off of this one, I'm going with Something Beautiful.

**Woman As Salvation by Jackopierce. It's mellow and acoustic and lyrically beautiful. It's a toss up between More Than He Could Give and Advent for best song.

**Sounds of Summer by The Beach Boys. Love them. Has all the great songs. I, once again, can't pick one song to chose from. Put it on random and the next song up is my favourite.

And big congrats are in order to Issa who had a beautiful little boy a week ago. He is gorgeous and makes me want to find someone to impregnate me.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Way tired, Way sore

Yesterday was Super Big Music Fest. I am now exhausted and hurting and so glad I went. It was Day Three of said event and not as crowded as Day Two. This is a good thing, I'll get to it in a minute. We got there before any of the bands we wanted to see started and ended up really liking Nicole Atkins and The Sea. (This is where you can be all stalker-azi and Google to see where I was.) We checked out The Kills, but I have no freaking clue who they are and they kept bitching about the sun and heat (um, hi, it was almost 20 degrees cooler than 3 years ok) and they never played a song I'd ever heard, so we left early to go see Flyleaf. Now, I'm not a huge Flyleaf fan, I've heard a couple songs, but their bassist runs around and jumps off shit all over the stage. It was fun to watch, except he reminds me Rob Zombie. We hit Against Me! and (please don't hate me Mixtape Messiah) didn't really enjoy them. Perhaps it was the ever present sun beating down on me or the fucking contact high I had. Or perhaps because we were kind of far away and couldn't really hear them. This is also the point when Prospective Boyfriend got lost and couldn't find me again. It wasn't for very long, but it was a nice break from hearing about his damn Camelback. Seriously, I get it it. You LOVE your Camelback. Now, shut up about it.

He wanted to see Silversun Pickups and we did, but I should have headed over to Neko Case, who debuted a song about killer whales and elephants and whose sound levels probably weren't completely fucked up. If I had never heard Silversun Pickups before, I would say they're a shitty band, based on the fact that you couldn't hear the drums at all (but I could see him playing them), the bass guitar or the lead guitar. Once the lead singer started doing his thing, that's all you could hear.

We heard Okkervil River, but most of that time was spent hearing the conversation next to us about oral sex and dildos. Yeah. Plus, at this point, I was tired enough to lay down and just talk to Prospective Boyfriend and eavesdrop. However, the band was excellent, I just wish some people had shut up. We had a break after this until the big band. I had wanted to see Tegan and Sara, but they were on the opposite side of the park and ran right into the Foo Fighters and I wanted a good spot for them.

Now, this is where I tell you that I have a panic disorder and do not do well in crowds. Like, I tend to pass out if people are pressing me from all sides. This is where the fact that it was not really crowded comes into play. We all know who the Foo Fighters are. They were the big draw. During their set, there was space around me. The closest person to me was Prospective Boyfriend and we weren't even touching. Score! And the Foos put on an amazing show, truly. The drum solo in the middle of the set was phenomenal. Seriously. And Dave Grohl is funny.

I actually wished I had taken my camera because there was one dude who deserved to be immortalised here. Black jeans with red stitching, motorcycle boots, no shirt, a swagger, bleach blond hair with one inch spikes, tipped with red. AWESOME. Wait, it gets better, since I only got the back view first. The front view was a red and black Bat Signal tattoo in the middle of his chest and a tat of Batman on his arm. Classy! (Flickr is my friend. I will now call him Batman Bowie for all time.)

And now I'm off to YouTube to relieve Super Big Music Fest.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I love Funny Shit.

And this commercial is funny. (Hit him in the head, Rose!)

In other news, I am happy. Big shock, I know. Coffee Date Guy can now be referred to as Potential Boyfriend. We headed downtown to the oldest (and fanciest, oooh) hotel last night for drinks and discussed what it means to be a Whiskey Kind of Girl, which he is not, because a) he doesn't like whiskey (more for me!) and b) he's not confident, tough or no nonsense. Oh, and he's not a girl. I got the "I really like you" during our goodbye and the "I totally want to go shopping with you because then it's not weird when I go shopping for girls' clothes" during drinks. Disturbing much? I HATE shopping. Hate. Like, I only subject my mom and one other person to it because it usually ends up with me in a crumpled heap on the dressing room floor, crying about how God hates me and why does none of this shit ever fit/look/feel right WHY GOD WHY. Ahem. And so this afternoon I am going to torture myslef by trying to find pants that don't make my stomach look like a fucking muffin, mmmkay? Where was I? Right, Potential Boyfriend. He's an odd one, but also very sweet and trying to woo me. Case in Point, he bought my ticket for Super Big Music Fest on Sunday and won't accept money from me. Hmmm. No, we are still not calling him SugarDaddy. Ew, gross.

Elsewhere in the world, I am needing to see Gossip Girl S1, because now I'm super hooked on it. Debating whether to watch it in a theatre full of other devotees and not feel so bad. If they'd air OTH after it, I'd so be there. I'm still undecided on the new 90210, but I haven't seen last night's epi, so. Although if I watch it today, plus the two hours airing on SoapNet later, and add in the hour I already watched, that's 4 hours of 90210. And it's not even my favourite show!

I started walking again this week, now that I've been given the medical go ahead. Felt like ass this morning, but walked about a mile and a half. That's a lot for me. I'll probably end up walking 2.3 from Music Fest to parking Sunday night. Great. Oh, and when I got home? Totally made queso for breakfast.

Oh, did you hear? Clay Aiken is Gay. Wow, I totally never saw that coming. I thought we were going to get married and have more babies and now I have to go get the "Clay Forever!" tattoo removed from my ass. DAMN YOU CLAY AIKEN!

Friday, September 19, 2008

Post Birthday

I'd like to start off with the fact that I had a great birthday. Fun times.

Date Five turned out good. He grilled steak, I picked up a bottle of wine (Francis Coppola Malbec; it was good). City of Angels was the movie of choice. It is one his favourites, but one I hadn't seen yet. And I really like Nic Cage, so it was fine. Progress was made during this date. He put his arm around me during the movie. Nothing else happened, but it was nice and wonderful and slow. Nice pace.

Now, my birthday. He was invited and I had a whole host of people coming. We went to play bingo. Let me just tell you, them little old ladies at bingo are fucking serious. It ended up being DLR- one of my former youth kids, RepoGirl, Stewart- an guy I had a thing with right after I separated and I didn't think it was a serious thing but he did and we're still really great friends, and JPanda and his wife, Panda. It's BYOB, so we did. At one point they shushed us over the speaker and when we started cracking up, little old lady bingo woman said, and I quote, "It's not funny, it's just rude." Seriously lady?? Is your life so devoid of enjoyment and fun that you play bingo every fucking night and have your Depends in a knot because we're having fun? Get over it. The attendant didn't have a problem with it, so shove it and your 12 daubers up your ass.

After bingo we went to the restaurant where I get a free drink. We needed to eat, and it was a good excuse. Gifts were open. (CDG remembered I like PostSecret and gave me one of the books. Stewart added PeeWee's Playhouse. AWESOME.) There was much banter between the four of us-CDG, Stewart, RepoGirl and me. The others all had to go. At the end of the night, I still had 30 minutes or so of my day left. CDG walked me to my car and we were talking and I said something like "so, did you talk about us when we left the table?" and he said yes, it came up. I said that I would never purposely hurt Stewart's feelings, but I couldn't exactly not date. I said, I mean it's not like I would make out in the parking lot if he were right there, but he's not so.....And then CDG kissed me. And we made out in the parking lot. And he said I'm beautiful and look like Lauren Graham, which I take as a huge compliment because he loves Gilmore Girls. I had a total girly moment though when I couldn't really stop giggling about the whole thing. Mind at this point I've had an Adult Juice Box, Wild Turkey and a Mexican Martini. However, I was not drunk, just intoxicated. I'm just excited because after five dates (we won't count this), I subtley made moves and insinuations and IT WORKED. He was just shy.

Now that it is an hour past my birthday, I'm going to sleep. As best I can. I honestly suck at this whole adult dating. I married right out of high school and have no idea what I'm doing 90% of the time. This weekend is reserved for the family celebrations and I know I'll have a good time with that.

Monday, September 15, 2008

He who does not weep, does not see.

It seems I've been in a weepy mood the last couple days. Nothing major, just seeing parts of Galveston washed completely away and tonight's episode of One Tree Hill. Ike didn't affect me directly, other than taking my vacation away and making me feel like a fucking prophet because I said it wouldn't hit here. I think we got maybe thismuch rain, and that wasn't even all over.

Date Four turned out to be twelve hours long. Yes, twelve! He picked me up at 13o in the afternoon and we headed to one of the large museums at the university here. After three and a half hours of making fun of art (Seriously, we had a deep discussion about why the West Wind is smelling his finger in that painting.) we were a little arted out. Went to dinner at a sushi place, which I am told is a good sign. Met two of his friends who already new who I was. They were cool, but probably a bit upset I was rooting for USC and not OSU and um, well, USC kicked the shit out of OSU. Ooops. We were going to watch Gilmore Girls, but Blockbuster didn't have it, so I picked Run, Lola, Run. Entirely in German. Good one, Ruby Soho, pick a movie you actually have to pay attention to. There was some close sitting during the movie, arms and legs touching. After the movie was more talking. We even talked about not assuming anything until we have some sort of talk about "commitment." He dropped me off a little after 130 in the morning. Date Five is tomorrow with him cooking.

Okay, so as I ruminated lat time, there's a general thought amongst my friends that he's gay. Both PB -the gay best friend- and RepoGirl -the best friend- think this and they only have what I say to go on. Is he just shy, which I'm going to believe? We talked about taking things slow in relationships in general and he's said he's been with women before so...... I'll be honest, I've been celibate this whole year and I'm beginning to get antsy, but I won't rush into anything, 'cause that's you know, bad. I'm also very damn impatient and want to be all "What the fuck are we doing?" We ended Date Four with a slightly tighter air hug.

Does anyone have any advice? I'm trying to be very good, but damn.

Friday, September 12, 2008

I'm waiting for Ike, what are you doing?

All the prep I've done for Ike? Beer and queso. Frito pies. Beans in a bag. I'm not excited, I'm not worried. I'm annoyed. (I'm currently watching some weather channel and seeing the waves crash over the seawall is breaking my little beach-loving heart. I was supposed to go down there next weekend for my birthday, but I guess that's out. So is October.)

So, Dates Two and Three with Coffee Date Guy. Date Two was seeing Cory Branan and Greg Barkley from OhNoOhMy. Mixtape Messiah had said Cory puts on a good show and she was not lying. He is hilarious and slightly crazy. Highly entertaining. If you enjoy singer-songwriter acoustic stuff and get a chance, go see him. We also really liked Greg, but I can't find any of his solo stuff online. My GoogleFu is failing. His songs remind me of high school angst, but not in a bad way. I think that even later in life we experience situations that take us back. Also, his lyric are funny. Okay, back to the actual date. I drove, which is always something to experience, but I think I wowed him with my superior parallel parking skills. I was late picking him up, and the place we were going to eat lied about thier closing time, so we just headed to the venue where dinner was Taco Bell. I bought tickets, he bought drinks. We talked and talked and he neglected to mention his birthday was the next day. Which I totally called him out on when he picked me up for Date Three. Turned out he just doesn't make a big deal out of it. Whatev, I so make a big deal out of mine. (In 6 days, y'all.)

Okay, Date Three was dinner and downtown. Dinner was good, Greek salad and lobster bisque. And conversation about his hair products. I swear, I wonder if he's gay and everyone's like "Just ask him." WTH? "So, um, what do you want to do later and are you gay?" So do not think I'll be asking that question. Anyway, I am leaning towards he's just shy and inexperienced. (Watch, he'll probably rock my world like no tomorrow. If it ever gets to that.) We went to a swanky hotel lobby, the lounge area, and had a really great time. Went out on the balcony and talked some more. I thought it was a perfect oportunity for a first kiss, but nothing. Did I mention he opened my car door for me at the beginning of the evening? And he likes museums, operas, plays and the like? But, at the end of the evening, we're still on the air hug routine. Sigh. Date Four is scheduled for tomorrow, some museum visiting, but we're playing phone tag tonight.

The second football game was not quite as bad as the first. 49-6. Third game was last night against a Catholic Academy. Score was 46 or something-0. And I managed to continue re-injuring my blasted ankle. That's about it on the football front, other than I learned the players have no respect for the head coach. He should probably leave then, you know, if they don't respect him.

I am a giant nerd. I bought the new NKOTB album. Haven't given it a spin, so I have no opinion yet.

Currently listening to Jackopierce. Love them. Love love love. I am so glad they got back together. I found them right as they were breaking up. No words to describe how I feel when I listen and the music takes me to a land inside myself, you know?

I'm a bit out of it, for no reason other than the atmospheric pressure. And waiting for the phone.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Change is good, but fuck this shit.

So, Winston bit the dust and I now have Jeremiah, the new lappy. Winston was completely disassembled, in a box, when I went to pick the new one up. I did say good-bye, dork that I am. You know what sucks? All my bookmarks in Mozilla are gone. Every blog I was reading, every fun site I went to, gone. I seriously may indeed actually squirt some tears over that one.

And, I'd like my page up and down buttons next to the fucking arrows, that would be great.

Jeremiah is an upgrade, system wise, but I want Winston back. I will learn to love you, Jerry, just not as much and not as hard. You are making me reinstall iTunes (um, and then I have to find all the fucking music again, so THANKS ASS). You are making me change all my passwords because I didn't happen to write them down. You are making my lap hot. You are making me try to remember all the fucking blogs I trolled and since I just started that, I DON'T FUCKING REMEMBER THEM ALL. So, right now, Jerry, I don't love you. You make the baby Jesus cry.

And, I"m going to need awesome stickers to make Jeremiah not so hateable. Somehow my devil angel "Naughty or Nice" sticker seems not wholly appropriate, because, you know, I have a kid.

Fucking retarded. It's going to take me like a week to get everything like I want it. Cue the tears.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Out like Fabio

I am currently computer-less. I had to take my beloved Winston in to get the power port redone, again. So, I am having to steal time and use a public one and that is very icky.

This is basically to try to remind me what to write about later.

* Second date (and by the time I get Winston back, the third date)

* Second football game, not quite as bad as the first.

Wow, seeing just those two things up there kind of makes me wonder if I lead a boring life. I don't, I just can't remember what else I was going to do.

Time is just about up. I hope my baby is fixed fast!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Randomness hits again

First things first, the football game was craptastic. Seriously. Did you know that when a player punts the ball, it's supposed to go down the field, not straight up in the air?? And if opposing players are coming at you, the correct thing to do is step out of bounds rather than RUN THE OTHER WAY?? I know this, you know this. They do not know that. They need some serious help.

Second, I have a second date with Coffee Date Guy. He called Thursday and asked for a second date. We're going to see some live music and grab some dinner. A dinner date! I'm a bit nervous, but I suppose I should be fine.

Ok, so 90210 comes on tonight, the big premiere. I have it all set to record, since I'm going to an orchid lecture later. I will totally admit I know way more about the original series than any sane person should, but I will deflect that critism by saying I watch the reruns on SoapNet. Here's where my little rant starts. The creators of the original say they showed important issues like teen sex and addiction. Yes, but only for ONE episode. When Brandon wrecked his car, there were no lasting punishments or consequences. Dylan took him to an AA meeting and his parents bought him a new car. (This was supposedly the entire reason for the episode, so Brandon could get cooler wheels. See this.) The first season is chock full of one episode problems that are "resolved" before the end credits. Everything is just too easily wrapped up. For Chuck's sake, Brandon never got grounded or anything for being drunk underage and then wrecking his car, after the party he threw which he was not to be throwing. Ok, this is a stupid rant, but I don't care. It was only in later seasons, where Kelly becomes the damsel in distress, that they show long term complications. Oh, and everybody who says the show was done for Tori Spelling? Dude, she's barely cognizant in the first season.

I am eating the best thing ever. Refried beans from a bag. Kind of like instant mashed potatoes. Throw some cheese on top, deliciousness.

Ok, so as I was going to sleep last night, I was listening to the "50 First Dates" soundtrack. And as I drifted off, I kept thinking, "Wasn't Drew Barrymore in another movie with Adam Sandler about baseball. Oh, wait, that was Jimmy Fallon. FAIL." Yes, I actually thought fail. Why? Jimmy Fallon tries to hard to be the New Adam Sandler. Case in point: both were on SNL as memorable characters who sang. Oh, and they were both in movies with the Barrymore. Okay, so I don't have much more proof, I swear I did last night. And it was AWESOME.

And I am pissed that Gustav did not land farther west. We gets no rain, just HOT fucking weather. It should not be 100 damn fucking degrees in September, I don't care where you live. (The desert is an exception. The city? Not so much.) Please to be cooling off and raining, kthxbai.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Dates and other Lameness

So, tonight is the first high school football game of the season. I love football. As a wee child, I spent many hours playing with my older brother. I learned to walk on the football field. I knew every play they'd run before the ball was hiked. So, yes, I adore football. I enjoy high school teams more than college and pro. Number 1, the large college team in my town is full of boys who are just using it to go on to the NFL and and is way more expensive than I'd ever pay to go see a game. And the pros? In it for the money. HA! No heart, no soul, me no watchy. (This does not apply to my beloved Pats IF they are in the playoffs. Only time I watch.) Ok, where was I? Oh, yes, high school ball. It is way too hot and too early (hello, it's still August), but I will go and cheer and have a good time.

I had a date Tuesday night. Nice guy, pretty eyes. Didn't know children can talk before age 3. Hmmm. That made me laugh, but it was ok. Said "like" every 4th word or so. He's also 25. Not big, but a little young. I am not going to complain. Boy Wonder is the same difference, only he's older. Would go out with him again, if he asks. We went to a coffee shop and got smoothies and then sat by the water for our chat. It was nice until the Sorostitutes popped up and we left.

Why the hell did the landlord of Heath Ledger's apartment decide to raise the rent $4000? Will people actually pay it? Now, granted I do not live in NYC and I understand rent is high and space scarce, but still. $26000 a month for a place where someone died?? That's a little steep. But you just know that someone will rent it and totally try to pick people up using the line "I live in the flat Heath Ledger kicked it in." Assholes.

I have finally joined the Twitter craze. Still trying to figure it out, but I'm sure it will come easier. It's nice to get texts from someone other than E!Online. Although, I love those. $2.8 mil for a gold statue of Kate Moss? Genius. (Which I am not, because I couldn't spell it.) The Madonna picture was vomitous. She looks horrible.

Speaking of Madonna, let me go back to Coffee Date Guy. I am slightly worried he's gay. Evidence includes: going to the Madonna sing-along and wearing a hot pink boa and glitter; knowing who my purse was by and loving gossip and drama. He even got a twinkle in his eye about it. Who knows, my radar could be broken.

And I hate getting stood up. GBFF has done it at least twice this month and Band Camp Kid did it last night. I still haven't heard from him, so I don't know what happened. He may or may not be trying to get me back for not going to his wedding. Which was 4+ hours away and I had the food poisoning, so I didn't go. Ass.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Thanks for the good thoughts on the 5K. This is my big yearly goal and it is kicking my ass. I only walk 30 minutes every other day, but still. And did I mention that when it's not raining and humid (which is rare, but has happened this week), that it's hot as mother fucking Hades? Yes....and I am not an early morning person so I walk in the evening, the hottest part of the day. The treadmill at the gym is the devil and makes me feel like I can't walk straight.

I skipped out on the day of Awesomeness at the mall. I just couldn't do it, I probably would have killed someone. Crowds+Me=NO. Spent most of the weekend hanging out with Monkey Man and taking care of his stinky, infected ear. Thanks, BF, for never knowing your son is sick. Fucking dumbass.

I went and bought new running shoes this week. Those guys were super helpful, which is good because I know squat about buying running shoes. The one who helped me did tell me I have something wrong with my feet, I roll in when I walk. I blame it all on dancing. So, outfitted in beautiful new shoes that make the outside of my ankles feel like they're on fire. I am assuming this is because A) I know no runner/walker stretches and B) I am still trying to get used to them. We'll see.

Went to the circus Wednesday. I fucking LOVE the circus. I love the animals and the clowns. Oh, I love clowns. BF is terrified of them. I suppose that's why I got to take Monkey Man. He loves the clowns, too. We had an excellent time, but I was appalled at spending $12 for cotton candy. Twelve fucking dollars for spun sugar? Are you fucking kidding me?? It came with a hat, though, so either I spent $12 on cotton candy and got a free hat or I spent $12 on a hat and got free cotton candy. Ridiculous.

Trouble in the Boy Wonder department. Not surprised. He always does this, but I'm more okay with it. Debating telling him I want to talk because I know it does no good. Especially when he just dropped two of the four ladies he was seeing and I was not one of the four to begin with. It seems that 60% was nothing more than nothing.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

For the Love of God, I hate Insomnia!

I always get these really great ideas for posts after I've shut down and am trying to go to sleep. Mainly because I talk to myself before sleeping, but whatever. Who doesn't do that? I could possibly dig out my mini awesome digital recorder thing I use for class lectures and keep it by the bed, but that just means I'm giving in and admitting I'm slightly off.

I mistakenly agreed to accompany my best friend and her son to the mall tomorrow. She lured me in with promises of a "mall lunch and check out the sexy ghetto girls with purple hair and ashy skin." Yes, we are headed to the Dying Mall of Ghettoness. The one saving grace was the Sanrio store, which closed sometime in June to my shock and tears. Now I have to drive an hour and a half to get my Chococat goodness. Why is going to the mall tomorrow a mistake? Tomorrow is the first day of Tax-Free Weekend. Massive amounts of people, all trying to save $8.25 on $100 worth of crap. Me? I'll wait and say that money is me paying for no crowds. The saving grace tomorrow will be lusting over new Vera Bradleys and trying to figure out how I can get one so soon after my last two. Sadly, I do not think they are tax-free.

The Hills re-runs and Beverly Hills, 90210 on SoapNet have taken up my day. The part that wasn't taken by picking up my awesome BlueBelle from the dealership. Four hundred dollars later, my car no longer makes a grinding noise while driving. She also has new oil, new windows (thanks recall!) and a new back gate opener thingy (yay for warranties). Nice dealership, pain in the ass to get to.

Started something a week ago. Not sure how it will play out. And by started, I mean FAILED. See, when you cut someone out of your life, you don't generally give in and call. But after you bash a rock into your hand several times and think that playing in traffic sounds like a good idea, you know longer know what's wrong and stupid. I am thankful for this person, yet now I'm left with the age old question of "What the FUCK did I do?" I don't know what anything means, there are no clear boundaries and I would gladly take the 60% offered if it was real and true. That's what it's come down to for me. I want it so much I'm willing to take less. And it terrifies me that it could, possibly, maybe in a million years happen. That little glimmer scares me shitless. (and shitless is a word, all knowing spell check.)

I think it's a damn shame the CW won't give Tori Spelling the same amount as Jennie and Shannen. Not because it was her father's show, but because she deserves it. They want viewers, viewers want Donna Martin. Yes, she was not the focus of the show and yes, it didn't revolve around her, but she's an original that will draw viewers. And I'm sick to death that people say she just got the gig because it was her dad's show. She auditioned under a different name and not in front of him. He didn't find out until after she was hired. Not a case of nepotism. The boy, Randy, being on later seasons? Totally.

I've begun training or a 5K that'll take place in November. I must be off my rocker. My trainer is deluded into thinking I'll be running it. No. Not at all. He wants me to run it, he can fly over here and run it with me. Yes, my trainer isn't here, he's 7 hours ahead. But, he's a good trainer, seeing as he was thisclose to an Olympic spot. There's a guy on his nation's team that's in his same club, they run together. I just know I'm not running it. I'll be hoping to walk it in less than an hour.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Bernie Mac and Batman

Yes, I get that Bernie Mac died. Does he really deserve umpteen jillion posts on EOnline about it? Cause, um, I'm pretty sure George Carlin didn't get as many. And he's way better. Is it because he was so young or because he's black? Or, in reality, is it because OMGBritney hasn't done shit lately to make headlines? I watched The Bernie Mac Show. It was good for the first half of season one until I realised it was just the same crap I grew up with. Same with George Lopez. I grew up with that. But he's funny.

Saw Batman last night. By Myself. Got stood up by the gay best friend from high school. His excuse? Took a Tylenol PM by mistake. How the hell do you do that? Isn't the PM kind of blue and the regular white? Lame. Back to Batman. I enjoy Christian Bale. He's easy to look at. Since Newsies and Swing Kids. I enjoy him as Bruce Wayne, not Batman. In that suit, it looks like his face is squished up and then it makes him talk funny and emphasizes his teeth, which I then focus on instead of what's really going on. (Moaning Myrtle is in Bridget Jones. Weird.) I did enjoy the movies, minus Harvey Two-Face. Most of the time, I can almost believe everything in the movie (rich playboy, gadgets, etc.). I couldn't believe that face though! No one can live like that, with bone and muscle showing. Plus, it was a little gross. I bought Maggie what's-her-face as Rachel, she does a good job with taking over a role. Heath Ledger was unrecognizable as The Joker. I thought, though, he took the makeup tips and facial tics of Mary-Kate a bit too far. Now the movie will always remind me of the damn homeless Olden twin.

I ended up feeling sorry for myself and then stupid for going to a movie by myself. I didn't remember it was a Friday night, but luckily it wasn't sold out. I was hoping there'd be at least one other pathetic soul in the theatre. There wasn't. That right there made me feel pathetic and lonely. Enough to tear up because I obviously don't have friends. And then I felt stupid for feeling pathetic. Surely other people go to movies alone, yes? I've decided I'm just going to start doing that, going to things by myself. Maybe I'll meet more people that way.

I'm actually tired for once, before one in the morning. Should I chance it and go to sleep? I suppose. Wanna bet it doesn't work?

This is not a Mommy Blog.

I'm a mom. I'm a blogger. I am not a Mommy Blogger. I curse like a sailor and have the all too frequent bouts of road rage. I have dreams, delusions, and desires like everyone else.

Just call me Ruby Soho.

I watch too much TV. I rarely sleep. Prime sleeping hours are from 7 to 11 AM. I play Animal Crossing: Wide World to an absurd degree. John Cusack was my first celebrity crush (Thank you Natty Gann).

My thoughts are often not planned out nor do they make any kind of sense. My best friends only exist online. I self-identify as a dork.