Thursday, July 1, 2010

I needed a yellow shirt to wear today. Looking in my drawer, I only had one. My Sweden shirt from a dear, dear friend. I wore it. And it made me think.

Oh, Sweden, how I miss you. I miss you like crazy. I was a complete ass to you and I regret it. I was selfish and impatient and stupid. I know that there is no going back, no forgiveness, but I wish there was.

Sweden's not just a place on a map for me. It's a person. I don't know how or why he found me, but he did. And we...well, we were friends. More than friends perhaps. Packages and letters back and forth. Marathon video calls. Pages upon pages of IMs.

And I miss him.

I had met someone new. A local idiot. I broke contact with Sweden. I was stupid. After the local idiot was gone, I reconnected, but it wasn't the same. It couldn't be. I regret that.

Even though I've moved on and so has he, each in our own lives, I miss the marathon conversations. I miss seeing his face all the time, even if he does live on the other side of the world. I miss him making fun of me for my horrible Swedish or for never being out of bed when we talked. I miss hearing how his races went, worrying if his travels were safe. But you know what? I still do that, I still worry about him. I try to track his stats during track season. I pray that he's safe during his travels. My phone password is related to him. Even if were not friends and don't talk anymore. I still look for him on messenger. Makes me sound crazy, doesn't it?

So, I miss him. I worry about him. It sucks. The last time we communicated, he had been in New York. It made me wish that we were still friends, because he could have come here. And I hope that if he ever did make it to my neck of the woods, he'd at least email me. It's hopeful thinking and I need to let it go.

But I'm keeping my shirt. And I can still tell you what time it is in Sweden just by looking at my watch. When I hear certain songs, I still think about him.

Jag är ledsen min vän och jag saknar dig.

Friday, April 23, 2010

The Wedding Playlist

When The Roughneck and I got married, I made him a mix CD for his wedding present. It was full of music I like, not so much what he likes. This is the playlist, complete with videos! Well, almost all videos. All for y'all.

I even titled it something cool, but now I can't remember what it was and The Roughneck can't actually find the CD. Oops.

January Wedding-The Avett Brothers

Use Somebody-Kings of Leon

Easy-Cory Branan (Not a video, I don't know why the only video of this song on YouTube is Ben Nichols.)

We've Only Just Begun-Gals Panic (There is no video on anything nor is there any audio of this anywhere. And I'm too lazy/inept to upload it myself. It's a cover of the Carpenters' song, just done in ska and the f-bomb makes an appearance.)

Have a Little Faith in Me-John Hiatt

Love Struck Baby-Stevie Ray Vaughan (We went to his statue on our first date because The Roughneck couldn't think of anywhere else to take me and he didn't want to take me home yet. We had our first kiss there. And our "extra" session with the wedding photographer was there.)

When It Don't Come Easy-Patty Griffin

Forver-Ben Harper

Livin' On A Prayer-Bon Jovi (OMG the hair!)

Kind and Generous-Natalie Merchant

Love Song-311

Reach Out I'll Be There-The Four Tops

The House is Rockin'-Stevie Ray Vaughan

I Got You Babe-Sonny and Cher

Make You Feel My Love-Adele

Walkaround-Cory Branan

This is how Cory is normally, live. He's awesome and I love him. You should too. (Walkaround Live Show)

I Gotta Feeling-Black Eyed Peas

And I'm currently working on two different mixes. Another one for The Roughneck and one from high school. That's the one that'll be interesting. I find it interesting that we met after a Lucero show, but there's no Lucero on the mix. There just wasn't anything good enough. Mr. Branan, on the other hand, is on there twice. Go figure. I debated explaining why I picked these songs, but if you really want to know, you'll ask, right?


Thursday, February 4, 2010

Geez, y'all! How about an update?

In a nutshell:

  • The Roughneck officially moved in in June. He ended up paying rent on an apartment he didn't live in and barely visited. He said it was worth it to live with me. Although, he complains about lack of closet space. ;) How much could a guy have to hang up??
  • I got engaged in July. It was wonderful! Right before the 4th of July because he just couldn't wait. The ring is beautiful, a ruby heart. You know, because he gave me his heart in July.
  • I started my fall semester of school. It was pretty hard. I had to take an anthropology class. I do not like science. Especially science classes that require a research paper on stuff I can't even understand. I got a B in that class though! Lit made me read The Awakening by Kate Chopin. If I could go back in time and meet one person, I'd meet her and ask her what it was really all about. And then shove it down her throat. I pulled a B in that class too. The other two classes were nothing to write home about.
  • I joined the history society. I figure it'll look good on my transcript. Last semester I was the "extra" officer. Hey, go big or go home, right? This semester I'm the secretary. Yay, promotion!
  • The Roughneck and I set a date for the wedding. Then we moved it up a couple months. The reason why is not something I want to talk about anymore. It was something that necessitated moving it, but now doesn't exist. I am trying to be ok with that and getting better at it.
  • I managed to plan 95% of the wedding during December. His mom is a piece of work, let me tell you! First, she wanted to have the reception at the church. Um, no. Then at a VFW hall in BFE. Or their church in a town 45 minutes away. And then, back the the church idea, if I'd just move it to say, 10 AM, she'd pay to have the Save the Dates reprinted. I didn't have Save the Dates, I had already sent the invites! ARGH! My mom ended up paying for the reception and said I could have it wherever I wanted. I found a space and it was really cool.
  • So, the wedding? January 16th. It was beautiful. Well, that's what I hear anyway. I was so nervous and happy and excited and trying not to cry that I don't remember all of it. Bits and pieces keep coming to me. Like me leaning over to The Roughneck when his brother was doing the reading and saying "Oh, yeah. I forgot he couldn't read." It was a family joke, but he is a slow reader. I'm glad he got the short one. I almost cried coming up the aisle when I saw The Roughneck and he almost did the same. My sister's boyfriend took video of our vows and gave it to us. It was so pretty! It made me cry and I'm tearing up right now. In the video, you can see how nervous I was and how I almost lost it. The Roughneck crossed his eyes though and it made me laugh. As a matter of fact, I giggled through the whole thing practically. It's my nervous tic.
  • Lots of people came. All of his friends, his brother from out of state, his niece from out of town. Not all of my people got to come and I was disappointed. I had wanted at least 1 person from my dad's family to show up, but none of them could make it. L&C couldn't make it either, but it was like she was there anyway. My iPod started playing an entire album of a guy she turned me on to. It was awesome!
  • We had a bit of drama with The Roughneck's ex roommate. See, I invited him and his boyfriend. Then there was whole bunch of drama with them and I wasn't supposed to know they broke up. In fact, I didn't find out that they had broken up and the other had moved out of state until the week of the wedding. The ex-roommate wanted to bring his new bf and I told him no. So he gets all pissed and says he's not coming. Fine. Look, it was a very intimate wedding with only people we knew and were close with. Neither The Roughneck or I knew this guy and I didn't want to meet him on my wedding. The ex-roommate relented and came by himself. HA!
  • The wedding is over and done with. The Roughneck and I had a great two night/three day honeymoon. I didn't want to come back to the real world. Alas, I had to start the semester. :( It turned out ok though because this past week it was just me and him in the house and we took full advantage!!
  • On Tuesday after the wedding, my MIL sat her two sons down and told them how their dad has been running around on her. The boys had had a problem with a stalker. They thought it was The Roughneck's ex. It wasn't. It was their dad's jilted girlfriend. And the story is that she's more loony than Bugs Bunny. The Roughneck is pretty pissed at, and hurt, by his dad. So am I. I am glad they waited until after the wedding to tell The Roughneck because he and I probably wouldn't have gotten married right then. It still pisses me off though that his dad is an asshole and there was tension between my parents-in-law at the wedding and people could tell. FIL has asked for forgiveness and I support The Roughneck in his decision. He doesn't know what that will be yet.
  • Oh. The Roughneck was let go from his job in mid-December. From the church we were getting married at. The church where I have been a member for 15 years and where we met. That was a whole load of BS that is resulting in me leaving and transferring to another church. Bunch of money-grabbing hypocrites.

That's it for now. Sorry it's been so long. I don't seem to have much time for myself these days and it's taking it's toll on me mentally. I finally got a diagnosis of being bi-polar and somedays the meds help and other days not so much. But generally I am getting better. I think we have the dosage just about right.

Little Man is waiting on me for our Big Day of FUN. Children's Museaum and then a giant candy store and hot chocolate. What more could a Mama and Little Man want?

xoxo, Ruby Soho